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emancipate me! proclamate me! oh wait, it's already done.

Aug 05, 2024

Dear Diary,

As I walked home on Tuesday last week from the library a few towns over, I reflected on how people, including my peers, both younger millennials and Gen Zers, are groomed to prioritize societal milestones by their mid to late 20s and 30s. Do they genuinely want to get married, own homes, and have kids, or are they just checking off these boxes to validate their adulthood? Then I thought about myself and where I am in life. Despite the circumstantial storms I’m going through, I know they won’t last forever.

I’m 28 years old. (I consider myself 25, as I don’t count the pandemic years.)

I’m not married nor have kids YET. (I would love to be a husband and a father…in my mid-40s. I’m serious; it’s not a priority in my late 20s and 30s.)

I haven’t traveled the world YET.

I don’t have a job currently. (Not by choice. I’m looking for work every single day. All I need is one yes.)

I don’t live on my own again YET.

While I need to have a job in corporate America or a 9-to-5 role, I don’t plan on making a lifelong career out of it like my mom.

I don’t have the same friends from when I was 12. That doesn’t mean I’m not open to reconnecting with people from my past, as long as the respect, values, and progression are a match. Most of my friends (best, close, and casual) were made in my college and post-grad years.

But I’m here, and I’m worthy.

At an age where I’m expected to dress grown and sexy, I march to the beat of my own drum and dress like the boy next door that I am, with dyed hair and piercings in tow.

At an age when many of my friends, acquaintances, and peers’ soundtracks are Jagged Edge’s “Let’s Get Married,” Queen Naija’s “Mama’s Hand,” or Lauryn Hill’s “To Zion,” my soundtrack is Tate McRae’s “Calgary,” Kelly Rowland & Travis McCoy’s cover of Bobby Womack’s “Daylight,” or really any song off Charli XCX’s recent BRAT album.

The greatest thing about adulthood is curating, defining, and creating the kind of life you want, despite what anybody else thinks, INCLUDING MY OWN FAMILY. I’m the captain of my own boat. This is why the hot-breath princess of Bushwick pop, Charli XCX, and her Brat lifestyle resonates with older Gen Zers and younger millennials as we enter our mid-20s. She gives us permission to live a messy and chaotic existence as long as our main bills get paid, of course.

I feel like Celie from The Color Purple because I’m finally standing up for myself and finding my voice. Growing up sheltered, in a bubble, and forced by my mom and school district to attend abusive special education schools and coexist with people I would never seek on out my own has taken a lifelong toll on my psyche. Now that my college years are over and I’ve left the restrictive career of journalism for one in comedy, I finally feel free and happier than ever, being the good gay gone bad (rebels unite) I was denied for so long. I’m still picking up the pieces every day. I’m actually beginning to reconnect with some people from my pre-adult years, and I hope it goes well.

All in all, I don’t run away from the real me; I lean into it. I’m eclectic, sassy, bougie, animated, and bubbly with an in-your-face hypervisible-extroverted personality, à la Mel B, aka Scary Spice, one of my role models growing up. It’s a strange position to be in because while I’m content and confident in who I am, I still feel uneasy about my current place in life. It’s primarily because I haven’t yet reached where I aspire to be. Who said two things couldn’t be true at once? Nuaces everybody.